Single & Searching
Are you a powerful, independent woman with a full life?
Do you long for intimacy with a committed partner?
Are you feeling burnt out by a string of failed dates or relationships?
There is nothing wrong with you. You deserve love just as you are.
Principles of Single & Searching Work
1. There is nothing wrong with being single.
It is possible to have a full life while single and that is a legitimate choice. Some people choose this for certain periods of time, some for the long term. Many people say that they would prefer to be partnered, but they are not willing to settle for just any relationship.
3. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
"If only I lose 20 lbs....resolve my issues with my family of origin...improve my self-esteem....THEN....I will be deserving of the man/woman of my dreams." We are programmed to believe that if we want partnership but are single, there must be something wrong with us. You deserve love, intimacy, commitment and connection exactly as you are. You do not need to lose any weight, resolve any childhood issues, or do any self-improvements in order to have partnership.
2. It's okay to want to be in a partnership.
Despite many messages to the contrary, there is no shame in wanting love or even in boldly seeking it. One of the ongoing tensions for many single women is to be able to hold this paradox of investing in a full life outside of the domain of partnership, while also being active in the search for a partner.
Wanting partnership DOES NOT negate your wonderful life. It does not mean you are desperate or incomplete. It does not mean anything bad about you. You want intimacy from a committed partner in your life. Go ahead and want it. You're powerful. You're wonderful. You want a partner. Awesome!
4. Being single when you don't want to be,
like any other challenging time
in one's life, is a great opportunity to do some deep therapeutic work. Every challenge in life is an opportunity for growth. Life is a journey that includes joy, grief, loneliness, connection and many other profound and mundane human experiences. Sometimes, the most challenging aspects in our lives also provide us with the biggest opportunities for growth and healing. Being single and wanting partnership - a time that is lonely and fraught with hopelessness and confusion for many people - is a wonderful opportunity to do some introspection about what you want in a partner and in your life, to build a stronger and more positive sense of yourself, and to work through baggage from childhood or past intimate relationships. You don't have to do this in order to deserve partnership. But all the work you do while you are single to cultivate insight, awareness, and relationship skills will help strengthen your partnership in the future.
My Story:
The reason I got into this work is that I spent many, many years being single. I was pretty convinced that I was going to be single forever, and I was really miserable and despondent about it. During my twenties and thirties all of my friends seemed to be coupling up, getting married, and having babies. It felt like they all knew something I didn't, or had some quality that I was lacking. I was sure that there was a great defect in me. It was lonely, painful and sometimes miserable.
I am currently in a committed relationship with a wonderful person. The support and love I feel from this relationship gives me strength in every area of my life. We have challenges and issues, like every couple on the planet, but we also have skills and resources to work together on our relationship and independently. Finding a partner didn't solve all of my problems, but my life is certainly much richer and more fun.
I want this for you. And I want to help you feel less alone in the meantime. Contact me to learn more about upcoming workshops, groups, and individual therapy. Together, we can turn a time of 'secret pain' into a time of sacred growth.
